Girl: what would you do if i broke up with you?
boy: then i’d go back to my ex.
(girl cried and broke up with him)
–next day–
girl: what are you doing here??
boy: like what i said, i’d go back to my ex. so, will you take me back ?

If you have a choice between ugly or fat, You can turn lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the fat in the dark.

When a man says ‘I love you so much it hurts” what he #reallymeans is ”I’ve been masturbating over you so much recently it’s gone red”

Stewie’s Quotes

My friend was murdered at a Jehovah’s church. Thank fuck there were witnesses.

I heard Lady Gaga was using the meat dress to hide his cock?

When life gives you meat, make a meat dress and don’t beef with life. Life is always right.

I hate it when you can’t stop thinking about that one person…and deep down inside you know they probably haven’t thought about you once…


Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries